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Viva Mallorca!
One Mallorcan Autumn
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Autumn has arrived for the Kerrs on their fruit farm on the island of Mallorca …
The year’s third season, ‘winter spring’, finds Peter, under the sharp eye of his long-suffering wife Ellie, struggling to shake off the relaxed Spanish tranquiloness that he has now mastered all too well. Old friendships have been established, and new ones are found as the Kerrs are introduced to Mallorca’s champagne-swilling Filthy-Rich-Set and their eyes are opened by just how the other half lives …
Mosquito-repellent vinegar baths, delicious Mallorcan food, and with background support from dogs, donkeys, geckos, parrots and canaries, this is an autumn such as they’ve never known – Y Viva Mallorca!
Viva Mallorca is the third book in the award-winning series by Peter Kerr, following Snowball Oranges and Mañana, Mañana.
Summersdale Publishers Ltd.; May 2004
320 pages; ISBN 9781840248241
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320 pages; ISBN 9781840248241
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– ONE –
BIRDS OF A FEATHER
The sky was blue. So was Ellie, and I knew how she felt. Mario Lanzarote had just died.
He had been showing signs of dandruff. Nothing much to worry about in that, you might say. Perhaps not, except that Mario’s dandruff had appeared between his toes.
‘Athlete’s foot,’ I’d said to Ellie.
‘Canaries aren’t noted for their athleticism,’ she pointed out. ‘And anyway, Mario’s feathers are starting to fall out, too.’ She indicated the back of his head. ‘A bald patch, see?’
I still hadn’t felt the need to get too concerned. ‘Probably just starting to moult…or a touch of athlete’s head, maybe?’
Ellie was neither convinced nor amused. ‘I think you should take him to the vet. Could be fowl pest. Bumble-foot, even.’
‘Bumble-foot?’ A little knowing snort of derision. ‘Been reading the veterinary dictionary again, have you?’
‘Well, there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s full of explanations about symptoms and things. Very useful, in fact.’
‘Hmm, the same as The Family Health Guide is very useful. I know you. Every time you read about a nice juicy symptom – bingo! – you’ve got the disease. I mean, it’s only a couple of months since you had that pimple on your top lip and thought you were developing bubonic plague. And now you’re doing the same thing with the bloody canary, for heaven’s sake!’
‘But –’
‘Forget it, Ellie. I am not walking into the vet’s surgery toting a dinky gilded cage with Tweety’s Mallorcan cousin here inside it. All those leathery old farmers sitting there with their macho hunting dogs and all, and I mince in with a balding canary. You’re not on!’
‘Parásitos,’ said Señor Ramis the vet, smirking, I suspected, as he turned to write out a prescription. ‘A not uncommon problem in caged birds, particularly in our Mediterranean climate. Toma! Take this mixture and administer it to the affected parts twice a day. No problema.’
I sauntered the gauntlet of the four inscrutable campesinos in the waiting room as strappingly as I could. ‘Adiós,’ I baritoned.
‘Adéu,’ they mumbled in chorus.
Silence prevailed while I opened the door; dramatic moments of silence broken only by a sudden snorting snore from the piglet cradled in one of the old fellows’ arms. Then one waggish old compadre smiled at me and added dryly, ‘May your little hen soon be back on the lay, señor.’
They didn’t laugh as I left. The titters would have been kept diplomatically on hold until they heard me starting the car; of that I was sure. A sign of the respect – face-to-face, at any rate – which we had come to appreciate from our farming neighbours around the little town of Andtrax in south-west Mallorca, where we had settled some months earlier.
Ellie had elected to wait at home at Ca’s Mayoral, our little orange farm in a valley amid the mountains away to the north of the town, while I made the reluctant trip to the vet with Mario. He’d been named Mario Lanzarote, incidentally, because he could sing, as could the late tenor Mario Lanza, and the ‘rote’ suffix had been added to make the Canary connection – Islands, that is.
‘Too many things to do about the house,’ Ellie had said. ‘Anyway, you can explain things in Spanish much better than I can.’
She was busy watching a dubbed episode of Neighbours on TV when I got back.
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9781840248241
9781840243802
1840248246