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Help Me Live, Revised

20 Things People with Cancer Want You to Know

Help Me Live, Revised by Lori Hope
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Foreword by Rachel Naomi Remen, MD — xi
 
Preface to the Revised Edition — 1
 
Introduction — 7
 
Part I: 20 Things People with Cancer Want You to Know
 
1. “It’s okay to say or do the ‘wrong’ thing.” — 15
 
2. “I need to know you’re here for me, but if you can’t be, you can still show you care.” — 23
 
3. “I like to hear success stories, not horror stories.” — 30
 
4. “I am terrified and need to know you’ll forgive me if I snap at you or bite your head off.” — 37
 
5. “I need you to listen to me and let me cry.” — 44
 
6. “Asking my permission can spare me pain.” — 55
 
7. “I need to laugh—or just forget about cancer for a while!” — 63
 
8. “I need to feel hope, but telling me to think positively can make me feel worse.” — 72
 
9. “I want you to respect my judgment and treatment decisions.” — 87
 
10.“I want you to give me an opening to talk about cancer, and then take my lead.” — 97
 
11. “I want compassion, not pity.” — 101
 
12. “Advice may not be what I need, and it can hurt more than help. Try comforting me instead.” — 108
 
13. “I am still me; treat me kindly, not differently.” — 115
 
14. “If you really want to help me, be specific about your offer, or just help without asking.” — 121
 
15. “I love being held in your thoughts or prayers.” — 127
 
16. “Hearing platitudes or what’s good about cancer can minimize my feelings.” — 133
 
17. “I don’t know why I got cancer, and hearing your theory may add grave insult to injury.” — 139
 
18. “Don’t take it personally if I don’t return your call or want to see you.” — 144
 
19. “I need you to offer support to my caregiver, because that helps me, too.” — 151
 
20. “I don’t know if I’m cured, and bringing up my health can bring me down.” — 159
 
And one more thing . . .
 
21. “I am more grateful than I can say for your care, compassion, and support.” — 165
 
Part II: A Quick Guide to Cancerquette
 
22. The 2010/2011 Survey — 171
 
23. Different Kinds of Cancer — 190
 
24. Cancer through the Stages — 195
 
25. Cancer in Different Circumstances — 204
 
26. Cancer at Different Ages — 209
 
27. She Wants/He Wants: Cancer and Gender — 225
 
28. Cancer and Cultural Background — 234
 
29. Other Situations, Complications, and Conditions — 239
 
30. The Lists: Do’s, Don’ts, Tools, and Treasures — 244
 
31. How to Listen — 256
 
32. The Cheat Sheet — 258
 
33. For Survivors: Hoping and Coping in a World of Uncertainty — 260
 
Afterword — 263
 
Acknowledgments — 267
 
Index — 269
Potter/TenSpeed/Harmony; September 2011
288 pages; ISBN 9781587613722
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Title: Help Me Live, Revised
Author: Lori Hope
 
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